Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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