nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize