Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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