Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize