You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We are all done wearing pants today
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
