Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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