oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
