i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Welp...herpes.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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