Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
