After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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