the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
