my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
