just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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