meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it because I queefed?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
