I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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