dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need to calm my uterus...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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