you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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