Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is classic penis vs brain.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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