it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
