After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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