How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
