my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
