she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
