all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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