Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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