GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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