i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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