what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
