Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Still dying that you shit outside
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
