Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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