I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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