Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
