NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
