Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
