Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
