I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
