I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
