That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
