My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
