If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
BRING THE BAGELS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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