Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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