it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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