the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
