haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
