your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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