Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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