I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
