GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
