Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
