eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
