Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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