I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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