I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We left the knife in your bed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
