Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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