She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
