I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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