New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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