Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
