i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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