Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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