We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want her autograph on my taint
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
