The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
