my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
