need another drink. this is the easiest way
I smell stomach acid.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
