this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
