i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize