i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
no you cant smoke seaweed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
