I'm eating all of the evidence.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
