Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
no. you can't hotbox the world.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize