yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
