my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
