Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
