I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
