My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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