mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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