You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize