Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize