bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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