i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
