dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
how do you play pong handcuffed?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
