my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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