at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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