If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
