Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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