he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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