My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
