Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
