How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
