I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
