Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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