New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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