I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
