I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
