Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
